Women, Polygamy and Islam

It has been considered for years that Islam does not give equal rights to men and women, and consider women only subject of comfort for males. This opinion has been delivered time and time again by renowned women activists but their basis of arguments being only the alleged facts. Their main argument is against the permission given towards polygamy in Islam. But many scholars who have gone through the pain in studying what Islam actually says have different opinion. They agree, in general, that Islam’s approach to polygamy is most balanced and rational and is based on the moral, psychological and physiological demands of men and women (The Independent 13).

It should be remembered that taking more than one wife is only permissible, not ordained by the Quran – as some ‘progressive’ activist would like to believe. The Quranic verse that allows polygamy should be read in the context it was revealed. The Verse says, “And if you fear that you cannot act equitably towards orphans, then marry such women as seem good to you, two, three and four, but if you fear that you may not do justice to them, then (marry) only one” (4: 3). This verse was revealed after the battle of Uhud. In that battle, many Muslim men died and as such a great social problem for the protection of widows and orphans arose, necessitating an institutionalized polygamy for a convenient solution of the problem.

Some of the eminent Western scholars who actually studied Islam, quite blatantly criticized the Western and other self proclaimed writers for venting their opinion as facts. In her book The Life and Teachings of Muhammed, Dr. Annie Besant, the renowned English leader of Theosophical Movement, says: ” There is pretended monogamy in the West, but in reality, there is polygamy without responsibility; the mistress is cast off when the man is weary of her … the first lover has no responsibility for her future, and she is a hundred times worst off then the sheltered wife in a polygamous home. “When we see thousands of miserable women who crowd the streets of Western towns during the night, we must surely feel that it does not lie in the Western mouth to reproach Islam for polygamy. It is better for woman, happier for woman, more respectable for woman to live in polygamy, united to one man, only with a legitimate child in her arms and surrounded with respect, than to be seduced and then cast out into the streets perhaps with illegitimate child outside the rule of law, uncared, unsheltered, to become victim of any passer-by, night after night, rendered incapable of motherhood despised by all. “You can find others,” continues Annie Besant, “stating that religion Islam is evil because it sanctions a limited polygamy. But you do not hear as a rule the criticism … that monogamy with a blended mass of prostitution was a hypocrisy and more degrading than a limited polygamy. “… it must be remembered that the law of Islam in relation to women was until lately, when parts of it was imitated initiated in England, the most just law, as far as women are concerned, to be found in the world. Dealing with property, …rights of succession,… cases of divorce, it was far beyond the law of the West, in the respect which was paid to the rights of women. Those things are forgotten while people are hypnotized by the words monogamy and polygamy and do not look at what lies behind it in the West – the frightful degradation of women…”

Divorce in Islam

The next point of confrontation regarding women is the issue of divorce. It is a well accepted thought that Islam allows the husband to get rid of his wife on his free will, any time he likes by uttering a particular word three times repeatedly. This idea is totally baseless and has got nothing to do with Islam is quite clear when one takes the pain of studying it. first of all, the marriage in Islam is a social contract, and it can be dissolved if it proves, in any way, injurious or incompatible to the wife or to the husband. The wife has been given as much right to obtain the divorce as the husband. But the process of divorce has been set with a time limit of three months, so that a major decision like this is not taken in a moment of anger, and then both of them reproaches it after their anger vents out. This has been clearly instructed in the Holy Quran, but made unnecessarily confused by some elite class to suite their own purpose. On the Timing of divorce: ” O Prophet! if ye do divorce woman, divorce them at their prescribed periods, and count (accurately) their prescribed periods: And fear Allah, your Lord: And turn them not out of your houses, nor shall they (themselves) leave, except in case they are guilty of open lewdness ” (LXV: 1). On waiting periods for divorced women: ” Divorced woman must wait three monthly courses. And it is not lawful for them to hide what Allah has created in their wombs, if they sincerely believe in Allah and the last day…” (2:228) Thus a clear three months period is mandatory before the final pronouncement is to be given. Each pronouncement of Talaq has to be made with a month’s increment between it, so that their is chance that the couple repents and decide to continue their life together. After all, the prophet’s saying goes ‘Divorce is most disliked by Allah among all permissible things.’ As women have got full rights to decide on to their separations, they also have full rights to chose partners in marriage, which is against what the ‘learned’ class would like to believe. No marriage in Islam is valid unless the bride and the bride-groom give their verbal consents regarding their marriage.

Status of Women in Islam

The status given to the women by Islam is another point of conflict as most of the “literate lots” would very much like to believe that women in Islam are still unliberated. However, it would be pointless to defend Islam by saying that Islam did give Women full equality in all respect to men (as some scholars defending Islam tried to do), as in reality, Islam does recognize the fact that women and men have their differences on the basis of their physical and physiological aspects, which is clearly stated in the Holy Quran in the following verses: “… Wives have the same rights as the husbands have on them in accordance with the generally known principles. Ofcourse, men are a degree above them in status, and above all is Allah, the All-Mighty, the All-Wise” (2: 228). “Men are in charge of women because Allah has made the one superior to the other and because men spend their wealth on women” (4: 34).

Thus, in Islam, men and women have absolute equality in stature, but with a complete difference in labor. Being subjected to the responsibility of taking care of the house-holds, is considered somewhat degrading nowadays, forwarding the possible idea that Islam has kept women away from nation building. But if we are to consider Napoleon’s saying that ‘Give me a good mother; I will give you a good nation’, then we can see that in reality nation building starts at home, and failure to learn correct guidance at home would lead the generations to degrade, without even being concerned over it. In fact the Islamic concept of household is that it is the smallest unit in the greater organization of the Nation as a whole. The home is a little kingdom where authority is exercised by both husband and wife.

Source: http://members.tripod.com/islamiczone/women.htm

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Polygamy Between Islam and the West

Question:   My question is in regards to having multiple wives. I’ve been told several times by non-muslims that this is immoral and unfair to the women. I tried to explain to them that the women are treated equally and that it is a Western perception that this is an immoral act, but they didn’t seem to understand. Can you help me to explain myself more eloquently the next time the question arises?
Salam.
Answer:  Salam,

Thank you very much for your important question.
Allah Almighty is the creator of all the human beings. He knows what is good and what is bad for them. He also knows their particular needs. He says what means:
*{Does He not know, Who created? And He is the Knower of the subtleties, the Aware.}* (Al-Mulk 67:14)

Allah Almighty also says what means:

*{And if you fear that you cannot act equitably towards orphans, then marry such women as seem good to you, two and three and four; but if you fear that you will not do justice [between them], then [marry] only one or what your right hands possess; this is more proper, that you may not deviate from the right course.}* (An-Nisaa’ 4:3)

It is important to note that polygamy is only allowed and not urged to be done.
When the West talks about polygamy in Islam, they refer to it as something weird and should not be valid in the human’s nature. However, polygamy was known from the very first day of existence of mankind on Earth. Neither, Jewish nor Christians forbid polygamy. On the contrary, the prophets of the Jews and Christians were known as polygamous. For example, King Sulayman (Solomon) is said to have had seven hundred wives and three hundred concubines. Dawud (David) had ninety-nine and Ya`qub (Jacob) had four. Christianity, as well didn’t forbid polygamy at all, as there is no single word banning polygamy in their scripts.How would polygamy in Islam be unfair to women? Islam, as mentioned above, didn’t urge men to become polygamous, it only allowed it for certain purposes. Justice among wives is a clear restricted condition on the Muslim man who wants to marry another wife. That is clearly stated in the verse mentioned above (An-Nisaa’ 4:3). Whereas the West which is arrogantly refusing polygamy has different types of it, some of them are dangerous either psychologically or even physically for the society as a whole.
Types of polygamy known in the West:
Actually there are three kinds of polygamy practiced in Western societies:
 

 

  • Serial polygamy, that is, marriage, divorce, marriage, divorce and so on any number of times.
  • A man married to one woman but having and supporting one or more mistresses.
  • An unmarried man having a number of mistresses.

Islam condones but discourages the first and forbids the other two.

Do you really think brother Tarek that polygamy is unjust to women in Islam? Or is it the real inequality to talk about the three previously listed kinds?
In her book The Life and Teachings of Muhammed, Dr. Annie Besant says:
“There is pretended monogamy in the West, but in reality, there is polygamy without responsibility; the mistress is cast off when the man is weary of her … the first lover has no responsibility for her future, and she is a hundred times worst off then the sheltered wife in a polygamous home.”

“When we see thousands of miserable women who crowd the streets of Western towns during the night, we must surely feel that it does not lie in the Western mouth to reproach Islam for polygamy. It is better for woman, happier for woman, more respectable for woman to live in polygamy, united to one man, only with a legitimate child in her arms and surrounded with respect, than to be seduced and then cast out into the streets, perhaps with illegitimate child outside the rule of law, uncared, unsheltered, to become victim of any passer-by, night after night, rendered incapable of motherhood, despised by all.”

Thank you again for your question and please keep in touch.

Salam.

 

 

Source: http://www.islamonline.net

Hikmah Berpoligami

Setelah dikaji secara mendalam, Islam telah mengharuskan berpoligami ialah kerana beberapa faktor dan dengan tujuan untuk memelihara kesucian dan kebaikan umat manusia. Di antara hikmah berpoligami ialah seperti berikut:

  1. Bagi menjamin kemuliaan agama Islam dan memelihara kehormatan umatnya dari pelbagai godaan dan pujuk rayu.
  2. Bagi menghindarkan atau mengurangkan pezinaan dan pelacuran.
  3. Bagi mengembangkan keturunan dengan cara yang dihalalkan oleh Islam.
  4. Bagi mengurangkan anak-anak yang lahir di luar nikah atau untuk mencegah pengguguran anak.
  5. Bagi mengelakkan daripada si suami berbuat maksiat sebab si isteri tidak akan menyempurnakan kehendak nafsu suaminya pada setiap masa kerana beberapa halangan seperti ketika haid yang panjang, ketika melahirkan anak dan seumpamanya sedangkan si suami mempunyai dorongan nafsu yang kadangkala tidak dapat ditentukan atau nafsu yang tidak terbatas.
  6. Oleh kerana bilangan kaum perempuan biasanya lebih ramai daripada kaum lelaki terutama pada masa peperangan dan kadangkala akibat dari peperangan di mana kaum perempuan ramai yang menjadi janda.
  7. Hampir semua perempuan menghendaki pimpinan dan sokongan daripada kaum lelaki kerana telah merupakan fitrahnya yang semulajadi (fitrah yang dijadikan oleh Allah).
  8. Biasanya setiap pasangan suami dan isteri menginginkan keturunan tetapi kadang-kadang ada isteri yang mandul (tidak dapat melahirkan anak) maka dalam hal ini kalau tidak diizinkan berpoligami maka hilanglah tujuan asal dari perkahwinan itu.
  9. Nafsu berahi kaum lelaki untuk melakukan hubungan seks biasanya tidak terbatas menurut batasan umur, walaupun umurnya sudah sampai 70 atau 80 tahun sedangkan perempuan biasanya nafsu seksnya sudah tidak begitu berghairah lagi apabila darah haidnya sudah berhenti (menopause) dalam umur kira-kira 50 tahun ke atas. Sekiranya si isteri tidak merelakan suaminya untuk berkahwin lagi besar kemungkinan si suami akan terjerumus ke lembah maksiat dan dosa. Oleh sebab itu bagi perempuan yang sudah tidak mampu lagi untuk melayani nafsu suaminya maka pengertiannya sangat diharapkan dalam hal ini. 

Andartu – Inilah Jalan Penyelesaian

Andartu – Inilah Jalan Penyelesaian

“Hai golongan pemuda, barangsiapa di antara kamu telah sanggup kahwin maka kahwinlah, kerana berkahwin itu lebih menundukkan mata dan lebih memelihara faraj.” (Maksud Hadis)

Sunnatullah

Sudah menjadi sunnatullah, setiap makhluk yang Allah jadikan itu hidup berpasangan-pasangan. Adam dijadikan berpasangan dengan Hawa, haiwan yang jantan berpasangan dengan yang betina, bunga jantan dengan bunga betina, demi untuk mengembang-biak keturunan masing-masing di muka bumi Allah ini. Allah swt berfirman yang bermaksud:

“Allah menjadikan isteri untukmu dari jenismu jua, dan kemudian dijadikannya dari isterimu itu anak atau cucu dan diberikannya kamu rezeki dari yang baik-baik.”

Firman Allah lagi:

“Dan berkembang-biaklah dari keduanya lelaki dan perempuan yang banyak sekali.”
Perempuan akan menderita jika masih belum berpasangan sedangkan usia sudah semakin lanjut. Apatah lagi jika menerima gelaran “andartu” atau anak dara tua. Mereka tidak rela menerima gelaran itu.

Fakta

Menurut laporan setakat ini seramai lebih kurang 600,000 wanita berusia antara 30 hingga 34 tahun yang masih belum berkahwin. Ini tidak termasuk wanita yang berstatus janda. Masalah andartu mesti diselesaikan segera kerana ia boleh menjejaskan kestabilan masyarakat dengan timbulnya masalah sosio-ekonomi. Tambahan pula, masalah andartu boleh menjerumuskan kaum wanita ke lembah maksiat.

Sebenarnya, tidak ada perempuan yang sanggup digelar andartu. Masalah andartu bukanlah masalah peribadi bagi mereka yang terlibat sahaja, tetapi ia adalah masalah bersama. Ia adalah masalah masyarakat, masalah ummah. Kita mestilah mengkaji dan mencari langkah-langkah praktikal untuk mengatasinya. Tidak sewajarnya kita hanya menggelar, mengejek dan menghina, tetapi eloklah ditinjau akar-umbi masalah mereka sekaligus selesaikan masalah itu jika mampu.

Faktor

Terlalu banyak faktor yang menyebabkan wanita yang menjadi andartu. Antara golongan wanita yang tidak kahwin adalah perempuan-perempuan kota yang intelek dan mempunyai status yang tinggi. Golongan wanita intelektual ini telah ditempatkan pada kedudukan yang tinggi dalam masyarakat. Kadangkala sebagai boss di pejabat, pegawai eksekutif, peguam, doktor dan lain-lain jawatan yang dulunya dipegang oleh kaum lelaki. Walaupun pada zahirnya kelihatan mereka mempunyai banyak keistimewaan kerana kedudukan yang tinggi itu, tetapi hidup mereka sedikit demi sedikit mula terasing. Pergaulan mereka terbatas di kalangan orang-orang atasan sahaja.

Wanita-wanita “istimewa” ini berharap mereka akan bertemu jodoh dengan lelaki golongan atasan juga. Malangnya ini tidak berlaku. Wanita yang berkedudukan tinggi selalunya mudah ditimpa penyakit ego dan suka memerintah. Keterbiasaan mereka memerintah orang-orang bawahan memungkinkan mereka bersifat yang sama dengan suami. Ini yang menyebabkan lelaki takut untuk beristerikan wanita yang berkedudukan tinggi. Dan gadis-gadis kampung atau gadis-gadis bandar yang sederhana lebih menjadi idaman lelaki status tinggi.

Wanita yang berprofesion menyayangi kerjayanya lebih daripada untuk mendirikan rumahtangga. Mereka takut terkongkong, terbantut kareer. bagi mereka, kononnya beban kerja lebih ringan daripada bebanan rumahtangga.

Protokol kerja dan protokol belajar juga menyekat wanita dari berkahwin di usia muda. Contohnya, seorang paramugari yang berumahtangga tidak dibenarkan bekerja di atas kapalterbang. maklumlah, selepas kahwin badan sudah hilang potongannya, mengandung pula, hendak fikir anak dan suami.

Oleh itu, kerana wanita sekarang suka pekerjaan yang mencabar, mereka lebih suka menangguhkan perkahwinan hingga lewat usia.

Masalah andartu juga kadang-kadang berpunca dari sikap ibu bapa. Ada ibu bapa yang bersikap memandang bulu dalam soal memilih menantu ini. mereka rela anak dara mereka terperap di rumah dari bersuamikan lelaki yang tidak sama darjat dan keturunan serta berjawatan tinggi. Kononnya takut status jatuh atau takut anak teraniaya.

Kadang-kadang sikap “pilih bulu” ini datang daripada orang perempuan sendiri. Mereka menjadi terlalu pemilih disebabkan sikap kebanyakan kaum lelaki yang ada pada hari ini. Kehidupan seharian orang lelaki moden yang suka berpoya-poya, curang, akhlak buruk, tidak bertanggungjawab, menyebabkan kaum wanita berfikir beratus-ratus kali sebelum mengambil keputusan untuk berkahwin. Apakah bakal suaminya itu setia? Apakah dia bertanggungjawab? Apakah dia penyayang? Keraguan-keraguan ini akhirnya mendorong wanita bersikap pesimis atau “tawar hati” untuk berkahwin.

Sukar hendak cari lelaki bertanggungjawab lebih-lebih lagi yang kuat beragama zaman ini. Justeru itulah wanita sanggup bergelar andartu daripada tersilap pilih, agar tidak menyesal di kemudian hari. Cuma yang kita takuti, pilih punya pilih terpilih punggung cawan!

Ada juga wanita yang tidak mahu berkahwin kerana pernah melalui satu peristiwa pahit dalam hidupnya, yang menyebabkan dia serik untuk menempuh alam rumahtangga. kisah cerai-berai, pertengkaran dan penganiayaan dalam rumahtangga yang terjadi di sekitar hidup mereka selalunya menimbulkan kesan yang sangat mendalam dalam jiwa kaum wanita, hingga boleh menyebabkan dia tawar hati untuk berkahwin. Dan ada juga yang tidak mahu kahwin kerana putus cinta (frust).

Yang belajar dengan pinjaman dan biasiswa terikat pula dengan protokol perjanjian belajar. Mereka tidak boleh kahwin selagi belum tamat belajar. Masalah ini melibatkan pelajar-pelajar yang belajar di luar negeri. Sedangkan dalam masa yang sama, pengaruh-pengaruh negatif, lucah dan merangsang nafsu terpaksa mereka hadapi. Cara hidup barat yang lepas bebas mencabar sifat fitrah manusia yang inginkan perkahwinan. tapi apakan daya pintu perkahwinan secara halal dan terhormat disekat.

Oleh itu, sebagai jalan keluar, ada yang sanggup bersekedudukan, berzina, semata-mata untuk melayan nafsu. kalau ikut hukum Islam, mereka yang tidak mampu melawan nafsu seks wajib berumahtangga jika dikhuatiri akan terlibat dengan zina dan pergaulan bebas. tetapi, perkahwinan yang halal dilarang, buat maksiat tidak apa. Hadis Nabi saw yang bermaksud:

“Tidak ada suatu dosa di sisi Allah sesudah syirik yang lebih besar daripada seorang leki-laki yang menumpahkan maninya ke dalam rahim (perempuan) yang tidak halal baginya.”

Seperkara lagi yang menggalakkan pertambahan bilangan andartu dalam masyarakat hari ini adalah belanja kahwin yang tinggi. belanja kahwin ini turun naik macam turun naiknya harga barang. Apakah nilai anak perempuan sanggup kita samakan dengan harga barang?

Kalau harga getah, kelapa sawit, koko naik, belanja kahwin juga turut naik. Apakah nilai perkahwinan itu sudah jadi seperti jual beli barang? Belanja kahwin seorang perempuan yang berpelajaran tinggi misalnya meningkat menjadi RM8,000.00. kalau yang kerja kampung RM4,000.00. Ada ibu bapa yang menuntut begitu. Kalau yang berjawatan dan bergaji besar, lagi tinggilah hantaranya? Ini semua menghalang wanita daripada kahwin cepat.

Persoalan andartu ini sebenarnya adalah salah satu faktor yang menyebabkan perkembangan maksiat dalam masyarakat. Iaitu akibat dari menyusah-nyusahkan perkahwinan yang halal. Bila saluran yang halal di sisi Allah swt disekat, timbulah berbagai-bagai krisis dalam masyarakat dan menggalakkan perkara-perkara yang mendorong pelepasan nafsu seks secara haram.

Kalau semua pihak ikut panduan syariat Islam, tidak dicampur budaya Melayu yang bidaah, perkahwinan akan jadi mudah. Tidak akan timbul “jalan belakang” untuk menyelesaikan runtunan hawa nafsu yang tidak dapat tidak mesti ada dalam diri manusia. Hanya manusia yang beriman sahaja dapat menyalurkan nafsunya secara yang diredhai Allah, selamat, bahagia, dunia dan akhirat.

Tanpa iman, jalan-jalan yang haram akan terus ditempuh, akan lahirlah anak-anak zina yang merosakkan salasilah keturunan. Hubungan keturunan dan pertalian darah sudah tidak suci lagi. Sebab itu generasi yang lahir susah untuk dididik dan dilembutkan hatinya untuk menerima kebenaran.

Begitulah tenatnya masalah andartu ini jika tidak cuba diselesaikan atau cuba diselesaikan tetapi tidak mengikut kaedah yang ditetapkan oleh Allah swt. namun, masih ada pihak-pihak yang menganggap masalah andartu ini remeh-temeh dan tidak perlu diambil perhatian berat. Kalau sebut bab poligami kita cepat melenting. Pada hakikat sebenarnya ia boleh menggugat kestabilan negara. Bila masyarakat rosak, keselamatan akan tergugat dan ini akan menyebabkan pelaburan asing berkurangan, kedudukan ekonomi tergugat. Tetapi yang paling penting adalah kutukan Allah swt. Sabda Rasulullah saw:

Jalan Penyelesaian

“Wanita adalah tiang negara, bila ia baik, baiklah negara. Dan bila ia rosak, maka rosak pula negara.”

Justeru, penyelesaian yang utama untuk menyelesaikan masalah andartu ini adalah dengan mengatur perkahwinan mengikut syariat tanpa menyusahkan mana-mana pihak. Sabda Nabi Besar saw yang diriwayatkan oleh Bukhari-Muslim:

“Hai golongan pemuda, barangsiapa di antara kamu telah sanggup kahwin maka kahwinlah, kerana berkahwin itu lebih menundukkan mata dan lebih memelihara faraj.”

Kalau ikut syarat, perkahwinan ini terlalu mudah untuk dilaksanakan. yang penting lima rukun nikah dipenuhi iaitu: 1. Pengantin perempuan 2. Pengantin lelaki 3. Wali, 4 Saksi dan 5. Ijab dan kabul.

Mas kahwin bukannya rukun nikah. Ia boleh berbentuk cincin seperti yang pernah dilakukan di zaman Rasulullah. Sabda Rasulullah saw:

“Carilah mas kahwin walau hanya cincin besi.”

Belanja kahwin pula boleh dirundingkan. Sepatutnya kenduri kahwin hendaklah dibuat atas dasar kemampuan bukan untuk bermegah-megah.

Perkahwinan boleh diatur dengan berbagai cara yang tepat dan cepat. Ia boleh diatur oleh badan khas sesuai dengan keistemewaan pasangan tersebut. Contohnya, kalau individu itu seorang guru kemungkinan bakal isterinya juga seorang guru. Kayu ukur dalam seluruh tindakan dan membuat keputusan ialah syariat, bermula daripada memilih jodoh, peminangan, majlis pernikahan, kenduri kendara dan seterusnya.

Perkahwinan dalam Islam boleh dilaksanakan dengan berbagai bagai cara dalam usaha menyelesaikan masalah andartu antaranya: – Melalui persetujuan ibu bapa kedua belah pihak.

– Peminangan pihak lelaki dengan pihak perempuan.
– Pinangan pihak perempuan terhadap lelaki.
– Menganjurkan perkahwinan antara bangsa dengan tujuan menyebarkan ajaran Islam.
– Mempercepatkan perkahwinan bagi mereka yang telah layak dan mampu.
– Merendahkan belanja perkahwinan dan elakkan perkara-perkara yang menyusahkan dan membazir.
– Memahami peranan poligami yang diharuskan dalam Islam.

Semua jalan-jalan perkahwinan yang disebutkan di atas boleh diatur sama ada perkahwinan monogami atau poligami. Bila matlamat perkahwinan kita jelas kerana Allah semata-mata, maka poligami atau monogami tidak jadi masalah. Firman Allah swt yang bermaksud:

“Hai manusia! Patuhlah kepada Tuhanmu, yang menjadikan kamu dari diri yang satu (jenis) dan menjadikanisterinya dari jenisnya (bangsanya) sendiri, dan kemudian Tuhan memperkembang-biakkan dari keduanya, laki-laki dan perempuan yang banyak.” Di zaman teknologi moden sekarang ini, ada yang menggunakan mesin komputer untuk mengatur perkahwinan. Apakah manusia sudah tidak punya hati, akal dan perasaan hingga terpaksa menyerahkan keputusan dan pilihan teman hidupnya kepada komputer yang tidak berakal? mana pertimbangan agama dan Iman? Oleh itu kembalilah kepada Islam dalam urusan perkahwinan ini. Mudah dan senang.

Didikan agama dari kecil adalah penting. Dan apabila tiba masa yang ia telah layak berkahwin, bekalan ilmu, iman dan rezekinya telah tersedia. Ia mampu menjadi isteri atau suami yang baik di sudut rohani dan jasmani sebaik sahaja meningkat dewasa. Dan detik itu tidak boleh disia-siakan melainkan mesti dipergunakan…. kahwinkan mereka segera!

Dengan didikan agama itu juga dapat melindungi diri kita dari tergelincir ke lembah dosa. Tidak akan timbul lagi masalah andartu. Dan jika berlaku juga, itu merupakan ujian sementara sebelum Allah berikan jodoh yang sesuai, dan terimalah ianya.

Oleh itu, masalah andartu ini boleh diselesaikan bila manusia kembali kepada agama. Barulah hati akan mengaku kelebihan berkahwin yang dapat menyelesaikan banyak penyakit masyarakat yang berpunca dari nafsu syahwat. maka, selamatlah diri, terpelihara agama dan bersihlah masyarakat. Jika dari awal lagi kita mengikut syariat Islam, dengan mempelajari ilmu agama, menutup aurat, menjaga akhlak, InsyaAllah jodoh akan datang dengan cepat dan pasti membawa berkat!

Rencana ini dipetik dari http://ismaweb.net/v2/Article119.html

Rintihan Seorang Wanita…

Ya Allah
Seandainya telah Engkau catatkan
Dia tercipta untukku
Satukanlah hatinya dan hatiku
Titipkanlah kebahagiaan di antara kami
Agar kemesraan itu abadi….
Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku Yang Maha Mengasihani
Seiringkanlah kami melayari hidup ini
Ketepian yang sejahtera dan abadi
Maka jodohkanlah kami
Tetapi Ya Allah…
Seandainya telah Engkau takdirkan
Dia bukan milikku
Bawalah dia jauh dari pandanganku
Luputkanlah dia dari ingatanku
Dan peliharakanlah aku dari kekecewaan

       Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku Yang Maha Mengerti
       Berikanlah aku kekuatan
       Menolak bayangannya jauh ke dada langit
       Hilang bersama senja nan merah
       Agar aku sentiasa tenang
       Walaupun tanpa bersama dengannya

      Ya Allah yang tercinta
      Peliharalah aku dengan takdirMu
      Sesungguhnya apa yang telah Engkau takdirkan
      Adalah yang terbaik untukku
      Sesungguhnya Engkau Maha Mengetahui
      Segala yang terbaik untuk hambaMu ini.

      Dan sekiranya aku menemui seseorang
      Yang baru di dalam hidupku
      Kau semaikanlah rasa kasih sayang dan cintaku yang penuh ikhlas
      Kepada dirinya
      Agar diriku dan dirinya memahami antara satu dengan lain
      Dan terbinalah satu ikatan yang lebih suci dan murni

      Ya Allah
      Cukuplah Engkau sahaja yang menjadi pemeliharaanku
      Di dunia dan di akhirat
      Dan peliharalah kami dari azab api neraka
      Amin…amin..Yarabbal alamin…

Polygamy the Quranic Way

Posted in http://www.islamonline.net

Title

Polygamy the Quranic Way

 

Date

31/Jul/2008

 

Question

As-Salamu alaykum wa Rahmatu Allah! Regarding four marriages, there’s the verse that allows it. Then another verse advises us to marry one in case we fear that we won’t be able to establish justice. But then there’s another verse about which I am confused which says that we will never be able to establish justice between women and that we should not incline to one of them too much (4:129). Depending on the second verse, doesn’t the third verse prevent more than one marriage? Jazakum Allah Khayran.

 

Topic

Marriage

 

Name of Counselor

Ahmad Sa`d

Answer

Salam, dear questioner.

 

Thanks for the question that reflects your deep research and reflection.

 

Well, in order to understand anything, we are always supposed to look deeply into the context in which it has happened. The same applies to the Quranic verses which, if ever read outside their contexts, will lead to meanings other than what is alluded to in them.

 

Coming to the issue of polygamy, it is well-known that Islam has allowed polygamy to solve certain problems which, if such a solution is not available, will be very rampant in the society.

 

Some of these problems may include fulfilling people’s desire to have children. For instance, if a man is married to a lady and it is later proved that she is infertile and he longs to have children, Islam allows him to take a second wife and still have the first one within the bond of marriage, take care of her and protect her.

 

Some people may say, why is the woman not given the same privilege? The answer is, she is actually given the ability to get married to another person after seeking divorce from her barren husband, who, in case he refuses to give her divorce, can be taken to court and she can obtain a divorce there.

 

As is known, if a woman is barren and her husband intends to take a second wife, the first wife is still entitled to full protection and fair treatment. Her being barren has nothing to do with the way she is treated because this is not something under her control.

 

Many other situations would encourage polygamy as a solution for many life problems and a legal framework for relations between men and women in the society.

 

With this in mind, we can understand that Almighty Allah has permitted man to marry more than one woman in case there is a need for this. Yet, with everything in this word, a full package of desirable and undesirable things come.

 

Of course, some women may like it and others may dislike it and therefore, for those who are unhappy with it, they were given the option of going for divorce.

 

Likewise, some men may just practice it unaware of its conditions. To these, the Quran highlights the fact that it has to be done with full justice.

 

Since human beings are subject to errors and tend to swerve from the balance, the Quran firstly advised a man to stick to one wife as long as there is no need for a second wife, and this is the original rule.

 

Yet, when people are driven by need or necessity to try the other way, I mean  having more than one wife, then new concerns will arise. One main concern is the issue of establishing justice between the wives which had to be addressed by the Quran as well.

 

These two things as you have stated are addressed in the same verse so as to leave no place for external tampering and put the person in light of the matter from the very onset.

 

The full verse reads what means:

 

*{… then marry such women as seem good to you, two and three and four; but if you fear that you will not do justice (between them), then (marry) only one.}* (An-Nisaa: 4: 3)

 

As clear from the verse, the Quran considers people’s needs sometimes to have more than one wife, yet, considers at the same time each wife’s welfare and right to be dealt with justly.

 

A person may say to himself, ‘well, I will establish full justice between my wives and try to cater for the welfare of both of them to the best of my ability, yet, there is something I cannot control which is love and emotions.’

 

This will put such a person in a bit of embarrassment and dilemma. Since the Quran solves the whole problem along with all its aspects, expected and unexpected scenarios, it has given later on an answer to this query.

 

We read in verse number 129 of the same Surah what gives the meaning of:

 

*{And you have it not in your power to do justice between wives, even though you may wish (it), but be not disinclined (from one) with total disinclination, so that you leave her as it were in suspense; and if you effect a reconciliation and guard (against evil), then surely Allah is Forgiving, Merciful.}* (An-Nisaa’ 4:129)

 

The verse does not mean that men who have a need to have a second wife should abstain from doing so or should be discouraged to do so.

 

Rather, it removes the hardship which they may feel when they do justice to the best of their abilities but still find their feelings and their love inclining a bit more towards one of them, something which is totally uncontrollable.

 

As Imam Al-Fakhr Ar-Razi comments on the verse in his well-known work Mafatih Al-Ghayb (The Keys to the Unseen);

 

“The verse means, you will not be able to incline equally or have equal amount of feeling for both of them as this is not under your control and since, it is not under your control, you are not required to do it.

 

This means that you are not forbidden from feeling more inclination towards one over the other as this is something you cannot control, but you are not allowed to show any unequal treatment in actions or words.

 

Al-Shafi (one of the Islamic scholars) narrated that the Prophet (peace be upon him) used to treat his wives equally and then say: “O Allah, this is what I can control and you know about what I cannot control.” The Quran justifies this further and tells people that failing to provide just treatment in words and deeds and care will leave the woman in suspense, I mean as if she is in an in between state neither fully married nor unmarried.” (www.altafsir.com)

 

Therefore, the verse does not discourage second marriage or prevent it. Rather, it tries to regulate it and remove some kind of hardship which comes with the package to make people feel as naturally human as possible.

 

It gives a message that can be summarized as follows: Do justice between your wives to the best of your abilities, care for them equally. Yet, if love overwhelms you towards one of them and it is out of your hand, do not worry as this is something you cannot control as long as you do treat them equally.

 

I hope this answers your question. Please keep in touch.

 

Salam.

 

Useful Links:

 

Polygamy: Norm or Exception?

 

One Eve For Adam, So Why Polygamy?

 

Apostasy, Polygamy, and Adultery

 

Polygamy Between Fairness and Hypocrisy

 

Questioning Polygamy

 

About Divorce and Polygamy

 

Polygamy Between Islam and the West

 

The Messenger of Peace… A Man of Polygamy?!

 

Polygamy and Polyandry


Polygamy in Christianity and Islam

 

 

 

Jodoh bermadu di usia muda

Komen Penulis:

Tidak disangka ada perempuan Islam di Malaysia sanggup berbuat begini di zaman ini. Di zaman wanita-wanita tak kira Islam atau bukan Islam sedang memperjuangkan habis-habisan supaya pensyariatan poligami diperketatkan supaya lebih susah hendak dipraktikkan di dalam masyarakat. Kononnya untuk menjaga hak asasi wanita Islam. Siapakah yang membenarkan pensyariatan poligami ini di dalam Islam? Islam mensyariatkan sesuatu perkara hanyalah untuk kepentingan manusia sejagat. Allah itu Maha Adil dan Maha Bijaksana di dalam menetapkan sesuatu syariat.

Masalah ketidakfahaman pensyariatan poligami ini bukan sahaja oleh orang-orang lelaki maupun wanita yang jahil tentang agama tetapi terdapat juga di kalangan yang bergelar cerdik pandai. Mereka, cerdik pandai, cuba mencari kelemahan-kelemahan, kesalahan-kesalahan dan kepincangan-kepincangan poligami ini untuk membuktikan kepada masyarakat bahawa mereka adalah cerdik pandai yang bukan sahaja bijak di dalam menafsirkan sesuatu syariat dalam Islam bahkan berjaya mencipta formula baru bagi menggantikan syariat poligami ini. Sedarkah mereka yang kesalahan siapakah yang hendak dicari, kepincangan sistem siapakah yang hendak dikaji. Astaghfirullah.

Penulis berpendapat puak-puak orientalis dan misionari sekarang ini bertepuk tangan dan berpeluk tubuh kerana kerja-kerja mereka untuk menghapuskan syariat poligami semakin hari semakin dekat dengan kejayaan. Mereka cuma bergelak ketawa dan menari keriangan meraikan kejayaan mereka menyakinkan segelintir ummat Islam untuk menjauhkan syariat poligami. Astaghfirullah.

Dengan kejayaan orientalis dan misionari ini menyakinkan ummat Islam menolak poligami, maka suburlah penzinaan, pelacuran, homoseksual, lesbian di kalangan orang-orang yang jahil di kalangan ummat Islam. Nafsu syahwat disalurkan kepada jalan yang haram kerana yang halal telah disusahkan pelaksanaannya.

Penulis menyarankan supaya pensyariatan poligami ini dilaksanakan secara adil bukan sahaja di kalangan orang yang bergelar kaya harta tetapi bagi semua yang berpendapatan sederhana yang masih mampu hidup di dalam keadaan sederhana (bukan mewah). Pokoknya berlaku adil kepada isteri-isteri.

Banyak masalah sosial akan selesai seperti wanita-wanita yang lanjut usia akan mengecapi alam perkahwinan dan alam keibuan, janda-janda akan terbela nasib mereka, di mana inilah yang dipanggil penjagaan hak-hak wanita. Itulah keadilan di dalam Islam dan bagaimana Islam mencari penyelesaiaan di dalam isu-isu sosial. Itulah kebijaksanaan Allah di dalam mengurus dan mengatur kehidupan hamba-hambaNya.

Posted in Harian Metro 28/07/08.

Jodoh bermadu di usia muda

Oleh Mohd Rafi Mamat
am@hmetro.com.my
KUANTAN: “Saya reda dan menerima ketentuan Allah mendapat jodoh dalam usia muda walaupun sebagai isteri kedua,” kata Siti Aminah Zainuddin, 19, anggota kumpulan nasyid Mawaddah, semalam.

Menurutnya, dia bersyukur apabila dipertemukan jodoh dengan Shamsul Amir Shahbudin, 38, seorang ahli perniagaan kerana dia bukan saja seorang lelaki baik, tetapi bertanggungjawab serta mentaati suruhan Allah.

“Madu saya, Masitah Abdullah, 36, dapat menerima saya dengan hati terbuka, malah menganggap saya sebagai adiknya apabila dapat tinggal dalam satu rumah.

“Bagi saya poligami itu indah dan berupaya memberi pahala besar jika seseorang wanita itu memahaminya,” katanya yang kini tinggal di Temerloh.

Siti Aminah ditemui pada majlis perkahwinan secara beramai-ramai di Dewan Mat Kilau di sini, semalam.
Seramai lapan pasangan terdiri daripada kakitangan Global Ikhwan Sdn Bhd diraikan pada majlis bermakna itu.

Majlis anjuran syarikat berkenaan itu sebagai menyahut seruan kerajaan untuk berjimat-cermat.
Bagi Masitah, perkahwinan kedua suaminya adalah hadiah bermakna sempena hari jadinya ke-38.

“Tiada hadiah lebih istimewa dan berharga kecuali membenarkan suami mendirikan rumah tangga buat kali kedua dengan wanita pilihannya.

“Saya kenal dengan madu saya, dia seorang wanita baik dan berhati mulia,” katanya yang mempunyai lapan anak.
Menurutnya, dia gembira dan terharu apabila dapat menyaksikan majlis persandingan mereka berdua.

Shamsul Amir pula berkata, perkahwinan keduanya itu dianggap fitrah dan kejayaan perjuangannya terhadap poligami yang sukar diterima kebanyakan wanita.
Dia mahu membuktikan madu yang dianggap racun oleh kebanyakan wanita sebenarnya indah selain memberikan pahala besar kepada mereka.

“Kedua-dua isteri saya mempunyai hubungan yang baik…mereka bukan saja boleh bekerja bersama, tetapi turut tinggal serumah,” katanya.

QUOTATIONS ABOUT POLYGAMY – 6 (END)

A line of demarcation has to be drawn between instituting a principle and misusing it. In as far as the role of legislation in rectifying our society and remedying its ailments is concerned‑ in terms of an imperative need to mete out justice by a polygamist ‑ let researchers be primarily occupied with adjusting the yardstick, as well as the manifestations, of justice if they so desire. Any attempt at undermining and deriding polygamy in principle is doomed as being of no avail. I can even rightfully claim that contemptuously regarding polygamy has been an immediate fallout of a sort of new Crusade against Muslim nations. 

 

Several social classes now do regard polygamy as something evil, while they consider adultery and fornication insignificant entertainment! The problem has come to relate to understanding and acknowledging the entire religion.

 

Against such a background, to attempt restricting polygamy is to repulsively attempt to soil the entire society in the name of law and at the expense of Islam.

 

Many a prophet and good worshipping man had more than one wife and the practice was not believed to impinge upon his piety or fearing Allah. Books of the Old Testament stand witness thereof.

 

Islam does not regard abstaining from marriage a sort of worshipping, as monks do, nor does it consider keeping four wives a sin, as Christianity is falsely claimed to have branded. (As we have seen before, none of the four gospels forbids polygamy: the author Hamdi Shafeek).

 

To sin is really to give a free rein to sexual desire, or to inhibit it, letting it trickle down as underground water trickles down under the desert.[1][4]

 

[1] “Stolen Moments”, a book by Anees Mansour, Daru‑shruk edition. 

[2] “History and Goals of Orientalism”, published by “Al‑Nahda” bookshop.

[3] “Al‑Musfirnoun” newspaper of 6 June 1997.

[4] Fiqh AI‑Sira”, (Understanding the Prophet’s Biography), by Sheikh 

 


 

QUOTATIONS ABOUT POLYGAMY – 5

In spite of all those reasons pleaded as warranting polygamy, Islam has adamantly forbidden that polygamy be intended for giving vent to some men’s sexual lust and a slant for physical pleasure and domination. 

 

 

A gain should correspondingly be met by a loss; easier access to sensual pleasure should be ensued by burdening duties. 

 

 

Hence, when embarking upon polygamy justice has to be assuredly and safeguardedly meted out. If a husband fears doing injustice to himself, children or wives, polygamy is thus forbidden. A polygamist should be able to provide for the necessary expenses. If the lawgiver, in which case it is Allah who has given out Shari’aa, regards inability to provide for expenses as an excuse not to marry an even one lady, such inability would rather prohibit a man to marry more than one.

 

 

The lawgiver enjoins fasting on unmarried youth so long as they cannot marry , thus ordering a man whom is unable even to have one wife and be sexually abstinent. Allah thus says in the surah of “Al‑Nour” (Light), “Let those who do not find the wherewithal for marriage keep themselves sexually abstinent until Allah gives them means out of His grace”. 

 

 

What about a man who has only one wife? He would rather be patient and had better be sexually abstinent; the more wives a husband keeps, the more children he is likely to have. Islam enjoins father to deal with children on an equal footing in terms of upbringing, education, honoring and loving as well as means of living however divergent their mothers may be. A father with many children should then be cautious enough not to be capricious when handling his children born to diverse mothers; as a husband a man should imperatively administer justice to his wives. 

 

 

However, if a heart inclination is too stubborn to be controlled, every husband can fully observe the rules and guidelines in question, rightfully weigh his behavior and to fear Allah in whatever Allah has made him guardian of in terms of a wide spectrum of deeds and circumstances.

 

 

These are the broader confines of justice as attached by Allah to polygamy. He who can fully fulfill such limits may get married to two, three or even four wives; otherwise, he has to suffice himself with only one wife, in response to what Allah says:, “If you fear injustice, then keep only one wife”. 

 

 

I have seen some journalists objecting to polygamy as licensed by Islam and wondering if a man is empowered to have as many as four wives, why is a woman not allowed to have as many husbands as four?

 

 

Having thoroughly looked at those wondering journalists, I have found them out mostly lewd, cuckolds or pimps. To my own much surprise, they are leading a life bristling with adultery, aversing most to create a chaste family. 

 

To answer this invalid question, I have to clearly state that the ultimate goal of sexual relationship is to create a family and rear children in a climate of clean custody. This cannot ever be achieved in a home where a lot of people frequent, and fight to grab, a woman whose prospective offspring cannot be identified as having descended from any of them. In addition, a woman’s sexual role is that of a receiver, rather than a doer of the action, of the one being led and carried, rather than of the leader, carrier. One can visualize a locomotive pulling four carriages, rather than a carriage pulling four locomotives. Men are disposed by nature to maintain and sustain women, and to dismiss this fact as allegedly untrue is colliding with the natural course of things. 

 

 

When some of the commons, verily unfortunately, unheed these confines attached to polygamy and go keeping as many wives as four without realizing the sense of justice they are enjoined to administer ‑ but rather to answer the call of lust ‑ only gross slanting and inequality will be the result. 

 

 

Although a man cannot even provide for himself, he is in pursuit of another marriage; whereas he is unable to be in charge of only one wife, he goes seeking another. A polygamist may not be dealing equally, rather capriciously, with his children in terms of education and portioning out wealth; he may take another wife only to desert the first one and leave her as if hanging in the air. 

 

 

Conversely, although a man may be wealthy enough to marry four women at one and the same time and to provide for whomever children they beget him, he leads a life of sexual begging ad rolling in the bosoms of trollops. 

 

 

Does forbidding polygamy cure a nation’s evils as such? No. To forbid what is permitted is not anything that will be a dilemma in the eye of Islamic legislation. However, if religion had remained silent about its position on polygamy, we would, rather, have made our say on it by clarifying that it is permitted to preserve public interest as above explained. 

 

to be continued…

 

QUOTATIONS ABOUT POLYGAMY – 4

Late Sheikh Muhammad el‑Ghazali giving his Opinion:

 

Steady urban and economic laws inevitably govern life, whether they be known in which case they will be cautioned against ‑ or unwittingly handled, with their impact, still, spontaneously unfolding itself.

 

 It is social circumstances, which govern how many women an individual man should have a relation with. To overlook such social circumstances is to resist fait accompli to no avail, as the ratio of men to women can either be equal on both sides or tilting in favor of one side against the other.

 

 

 If the men‑to‑women ratio is equal or when men do outnumber women, polygamy has to spontaneously fall out of practice, with every man contenting himself with the woman coercively portioned out to him.

 

 

 If women do outnumber men, only one course of action has to be opted for out of the three following options: 

 

 

(1)   to judge that some women be deprived for life of having their sexual needs met;

 

 

(2)   to permit keeping mistresses, with adultery acknowledged as thus legitimate;

 

 

(3)   or to allow polygamy. 

 

 

A woman is widely believed even before a man ‑ to desist from either deprivation or a disobediently sinful bed. With the situation as such, she has to share another wife’s husband, from whom her would‑be children will have a lineal descent, resulting in polygamy ‑ as stipulated by Islam ‑ being inevitably acknowledged. 

 

 

Moreover, men do diverge widely in term of sexual desire: some men are so healthy, strong in erotica sentiments and leading a luxurious life while other men are not. To deal on a par with both a sexually‑rigid man from his earlier periods of adolescence and another who is so sexually energetic that he can be easily excited is a matter which widely misses the mark of justice. 

 

 

Are gluttons not allowed to have more amounts of food than allowed for people with less appetite? So, why not sexual‑wise? It is the same token working here. 

 

 

There is another wise reason for allowing polygamy: a wife may be so feeble, diseased, infertile or old‑aged that she cannot any longer satisfy her husband’s sexual needs, so why should she be so helplessly let down to be victimized by these excuses? 

 

 

Good company has to be retained by a husband, who is then fully empowered to bring in another wife, or other wives, who can fully perform a wife’s role. 

 

 

to be continued…