Can We Want to Marry?

Question and Answer Details

Name of Questioner

Shereen

 

Title

Can We Want to Marry?

 

Date

08/Jun/2006

 

Question

Is it right for girls to wish that they want to get engaged even though the parents are not planning to get her engaged any time soon? What if it is just a wish and there is not any guy whom she loves?

 

 

 

Topic

Marriage

 

Name of Counselor

Sahar El-Nadi

Answer

Salam, Sister Shereen.

 

Thank you for trusting our page with your dreams. We wish you and all Muslims joyful lives in stable homes.

 

Your question implies that you’re probably a teenager, so I’m proud of you for your maturity, choosing to consult before getting involved in a relationship. May Allah always guide you to what pleases Him.

 

Romantic daydreaming is part of a stage in everyone’s life, where emotions take us on sentimental journeys to imaginary worlds with invented people. However, as good Muslims, we shouldn’t let daydreaming waste our lives! So what should we do? Stop dreaming or do something useful with our dreams?

 

There is nothing wrong with wishing to find a mate as Allah decreed for humans. Your feelings are quite natural and they’re recognized by Islam. Love as a pure emotion for the right person under proper guidelines is actually encouraged in Islam. What’s forbidden is abusing love to fulfill desires without legal commitment.

 

I must ask you here: do you want to get engaged to be married and bear the heavy responsibility of a Muslim home, or just to have a man in your life to “have fun with” as seen in movies and musical videos? Please be careful, because while pop culture pressures us to look for “sexy” people who can turn heads, Islam teaches us to look for righteous people who can turn souls!

 

We must not let our rush —to be in love— drag us into dangerous situations with the wrong people. You need, first, to know the Islamic guidance on how to choose a good Muslim husband and how to be a good Muslim future-wife to be chosen by one.

 

All parents dream of seeing their daughters married, and I’m sure your parents want what’s best for you, so they probably have good reasons for postponing that. They probably see you are still unprepared, due to your young age or your need to reach a certain level of education first.

 

In any relationship, we have to fulfill certain responsibilities first in order to earn our rights. So, while you are dreaming of your right to be engaged, it’s wise to explore the responsibilities attached and check if you’re prepared to handle them yet.

 

A Muslim has a responsibility to invest every moment of precious life in doing something useful. So, try turning your wishes into energy to make you a better Muslim, who is ready for taking charge of a home. Here are some suggestions:

 

1- It is a psychological fact that we grow into the images we make for ourselves. So try to imagine a detailed vision of yourself as a good and correct Muslim wife and mother, and ask yourself: how am I going to be that woman? How do I make that dream come true?

 

2- Do you have a role model? Someone you look up to and want to grow like? Is that person worthy of your admiration and pleases Allah. Or do you have the wrong example on a poster above your bed? Do you read and listen to lectures about women who made a difference for our Ummah (Muslim nation)? If not, my advice is that you search to know them and study their personal biographies and extract lessons for yourself to live by and to follow until the right man comes along.

 

3- You need to make an effort to prepare yourself for handling the pressures of our modern world too, so consider in parallel with learning your religion, to focus on your role in life. Why has Allah created you and what is your mission in this world? What is your goal for the next life and how are you going to get there? Keep an eye on the news of the world in all aspects of life; learn computer and Internet skills and languages. Search how to lead a healthy life and how to be physically fit. You will need to be fit to manage a successful life. Read about good housekeeping, home budgeting, successful relationships, effective communication, child upbringing, decoration, crafts and healthy cooking. Attend classes in those and other topics to improve your skills.

 

Once you are fully prepared for your responsibilities and you have chosen the right Muslim man to be the focus of your dreams, make sure to adjust your niyyah (intention). Raising a good Muslim family with your dream-man should be with the intention of pleasing God Almighty and Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him).

 

Your question indicates that you are a good person Shereen, so I don’t need to remind you to listen to your parents. Please don’t do anything behind their back. Get them involved in your matters and ask for their guidance as soon as you meet someone you like. If you want Allah to bless your future life, make sure that your path to Him passes through the hearts of your parents.

 

Also, bare in mind that this man —when you find him— is not a mahram to you (not legal husband, brother or father, etc.) until he is legally your husband, so your behavior with him should reflect the Islamic teachings you respect. Don’t let emotions lead you into what may displease Allah. If Allah has destined him for you, then there will be plenty of time, after you become officially husband and wife, to express your feelings for each other. However, if he is not meant for you, then why commit something you will regret later?

 

Until that time comes —and I pray that Allah may send him soon to you— would you consider sharing the pure love in your heart with those who really need it? Think of joining a charity to take care of orphan kids or weak animals and lavish your love on them. Besides giving you an outlet for your feelings, it will also hopefully gain you enough rearward to grant you Allah’s approval and pleasure. He is the Only One Who can give you what you want, so never stop making du`a’ and good deeds.

 

We will pray for you too, and may Allah guide all Muslims to suitable mates and support them in raising good Muslim families, amen.

 

I hope this answers your question. If you have any other questions, please do not hesitate to send us again. Thank you and please keep in touch.

 

Salam.

 

Useful Links:

 

Purity of Man-Woman Relationship

 

To Love or to Know, What Comes First?

 

Distinguishing Culture from Religion Concerning Marriage

 

Parents Opinion in Marriage

 

Asking God for the Right Mate

 

The Philosophy of Marriage in Islam

 

My Parents Refuse the Person I Love: What to Do?

 

Du`a’ to Hasten Marriage

 

Foundation of Successful Marriage

 

1,2,3’s of Marital Life

 

Love in Islam

 

 

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Woman’s Marriage: Necessary?

Question : Respected scholars, as-salamu `alaykum. I am a 26 year old female and my parents are asking me to get married but I want to be single all my life. I am afraid of this commitment because I have seen my parents’ dysfunctional marriage. And is it necessary for a woman to marry? Jazakum Allahu Khayran.

 

Answer : Wa `alaykum As-Salamu wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

 

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

 

All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.

 

Thanks for your interesting question, which reflects your deep belief in the fact that Islam has answers for every problem facing mankind. Our utmost wish is just for all of us to adhere to the teachings of this great religion which came to save mankind from the peril of succumbing to the material life, to rescue it from darkness and following whims and self inclinations, and bring it into the light of guidance and eternal prosperity.

 

Although marriage is generally considered a highly recommended act, from the Islamic point of view marriage differs according to the state and conditions of each person: It can be highly recommended in some cases, or even obligatory under certain conditions. It can also be prohibited or only permitted under other circumstances.

 

In his response to your question, Sheikh Ahmad Kutty, a senior lecturer and Islamic scholar at the Islamic Institute of Toronto, Ontario, Canada , states the following:

While you are advised to be respectful to your parents and be extremely gentle and compassionate in dealing and interacting with them, and to try your best to understand their feelings and appreciate their anxieties, the final decision about your marriage is left to you and not to them.

 

Your parents have every right to advise you and offer you the best insights they can give you, and you must thank them for this; nevertheless, when it comes to the issue of your marriage, it is you and you alone who ought to decide whether you wish to get married, when and where, and with whom. Your parents can only make suggestions. It may be in your best interest to benefit from such insights that they can offer, however, the final decision is solely yours and not theirs. For you are the one who is going to live with your marriage partner.

 

Having said this, however, I must point out that the negative views you have about marriage are due to your past experiences. To generalize based on this experience is, at best, wrong. Islam teaches us not to get carried away by impulsive, whimsical inclinations in our judgments. We must take into account all aspects of an issue before coming to a sound judgment.

 

The fact that your experience of marriage has been negative does not in any way prove that all marriages are the same. Success or failure of a marriage is dependent, in large measure, on the kind of attitudes of life one brings to it. As Muslims, we believe that the recipe for good life is contained in accepting the sovereignty of Allah and acting upon the guidance He has sent down: Allah says, [Verily this Qur’an guides (humanity) to a state of being that is most upright (and fulfilling) … ] (Al-Israa’ 17: 9).

 

Finally, in regards to your question about the precise status of marriage in Islam, the answer is that it varies according to the person and their circumstance. In other words, marriage is obligatory on those who are unable to control their desires and are afraid of falling into sin; it is recommended for all those who have desire for union and yet do not fear falling into sin; it is undesirable for those who have no desire and are afraid of fulfilling their spousal obligations; and it is clearly forbidden for those who have no desire whatsoever and are incapable of doing justice, and may end up harming or injuring their partners. An example is someone who has a sexually transmitted disease which they may end up passing to others if they get married.

 

To conclude: If you belong to the category of those who have no desire for union, and you feel you cannot fulfill the spousal obligations, then there is nothing wrong for you to remain a celibate. That decision is solely yours, and your parents have no right to force you to get married. May Allah help us see truth as truth and follow it, and may He help us to see error as error and shun it—ameen.

 

Excerpted, with slight modifications, from: http://www.islam.ca

 

 

 

 

What is the Islamic ruling on marriage? And when it is deemed obligatory?

Question and Answer Details

Name of Questioner

Mustapha   – United States

 

Title

The Islamic Ruling on Marriage

 

Question

What is the Islamic ruling on marriage? And when it is deemed obligatory?

 

Date

20/Nov/2002

 

Name of Mufti

IOL Shari`ah Researchers

Topic

Marriage

Answer


In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.

Dear questioner, we commend your keenness on getting your self well-acquainted with Islam and its teachings, which is the way Allah has chosen for the welfare of His servants.

Islam – being a natural way of life – takes into account all of genuine human instincts such as physical, spiritual, intellectual, emotional, et cetera. Islam generally encourages marriage as the pure and legitimate way for regulating and fulfilling these instincts and desires. It is against both curbing man’s desires through celibacy or giving them free rein through licentiousness and sexual permissiveness.

As regards the question you posed, we’d like to state that the ruling on marriage differs according to the state and conditions of each person. It can be obligatory or recommendable under certain conditions. It can also be prohibited or only permitted under other circumstances. The different rulings on marriage are explained in the fatwa issued by the late prominent Muslim scholar and author of Fiqh As-Sunnah, Sheikh Sayyed Sabiq. He states the following:

Obligatory Marriage:

Marriage is obligatory for whoever is able to afford it, has desire for sexual intercourse, and is afraid to indulge in fornication. Here, it is obligatory because protecting oneself against fornication and preserving one’s chastity is obligatory, and this cannot be achieved except through marriage. Al-Qurtubi says: “Celibacy is not recommended for whoever is able to bear the expenses of marriage, and is likely to commit illicit affairs that violate both his honor and his religion, for one sometimes may not be able to overcome temptation except by marriage. In this case marriage is, according to a scholarly consensus, obligatory. But one who has desire for sexual intercourse, but does not have enough money for the expenditures of marital life may find solace in the words of Allah, Exalted be He, Who says: “Let those who find not the wherewithal for marriage keep themselves chaste, until Allah gives them means out of His Grace.” (An-Nur: 33)

Man is recommended to suppress his sexual appetite by fasting; a group of Hadith transmitters narrated on the authority of Ibn Mas`ud (may Allah be pleased with him) that Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “O youth! Whoever amongst you is able to marry, let him marry, because it helps him keep his eyes away from lustful looks and preserve his chastity. And whoever is not able to marry, let him observe fasting, as it is a shield for him (i.e. protection from lapsing in fornication).”

Commendable Marriage:

One who has desire for sexual intercourse, who is able to bear the expenses of marriage, and, at the same time, is able to suppress his sexual desire, protect himself against committing illicit affairs is recommended to marry. In this case, marriage in this case is better than devoting oneself to worship, because monasticism is not a characteristic of Islam. At-Tabarani narrated on the authority of Sa`d ibn Abi Waqqas that Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Allah has revealed tolerant monotheism (Islam), to replace the Christians’ monasticism.” Al-Bayhaqi also narrated on the authority of Abu Umamah that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Marry one another, for I will be boast of your great numbers in front of other nations (on the Day of Judgement), but don not lapse in the Christians’ monasticism.” `Umar once said to Abu Az-Zawa’id: “Nothing can make man refrain from marriage except inability or indulging in fornication.” Ibn `Abbas also said: “The faith of a devoted believer will never be perfected unless he marries.”

Prohibited Marriage:

Marriage is prohibited for anyone who cannot observe his wife’s rights, because of being undesirous for sexual intercourse due to a physical defect, or because of inability to afford marriage. Al-Qurtubi states: When man is unable to marry due to lack of money to cover the expenses of marriage, to pay the bride’s dowry, or any of her financial rights, he must not marry unless he lets the bride know of his inability, or unless he becomes able to afford marriage. And so is the case if he has some physical weakness that makes him unable to have sexual intercourse (i.e. if he is impotent); he must let his bride know of it, in order not to deceive her. Moreover, he must not pretend that he hails from a noble family, that he is a wealthy man, or that he holds a prestigious post.

The same applies to women. A woman who is unable to observe her husband’s rights, or who has some defect which prevents her husband from making love to her, such as insanity, leprosy, elephantiasis, genital or vaginal disease, must never deceive him; rather, she must let him know what is wrong with her. This is like the example of a sale contract; the seller must inform the buyer of any defect in the commodity he is purchasing.

That is to say, when one of the spouses finds some defect in his/or her mate, he/or she may annul the marriage. Thus, when the husband finds any defect in his wife, he may annul the marriage, and take back the dowry he paid her. It was narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) married a woman from Bayadah folk. Then he found that she was leprous in her flank, so he sent her back to her parents, and said to them. “You have deceived me.”

Imam Malik is reported to have stated two different opinions concerning the wife of the impotent, who discovers this after consummating marriage then seeks separation on account of this defect. Imam Malik once said that in such a case the wife can seek for marriage annulment and take her full dowry; his another view is that she takes half of her dowry. By and Large, Malik’s different points of view depend on his different opinions as to whether the bride’s dowry is due immediately after she allows her husband to have sex with her, or after he consummating marriage.

Permissible Marriage:

Marriage is permissible for any person who has nothing to warrant his marriage or prohibit it.”

You can also read:

Is Marriage Obligatory?

The Philosophy of Marriage in Islam

 

 

 
 

Allah Almighty knows best.

The Philosophy of Marriage in Islam

Question and Answer Details

Name of Questioner

Abu Muhammad   – United States

 

Title

The Philosophy of Marriage in Islam

 

Question

I have noticed that there is a trend inviting young people to refrain from marriage via numerous methods, including intimidating them as regards the responsibilities they are to shoulder as well as casting doubt over the institution of marriage itself. Is there a way to refute these allegations?

 

Date

10/Jul/2007

 

Name of Mufti

Yusuf Al-Qaradawi

Topic

Marriage

Answer

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.

Dear brother in Islam, we would like to thank you for your very interesting question and the great confidence you place in us. We implore Allah Almighty to help us serve His cause and render our work for His Sake.
Marriage in Islam is intended to cater to multiple purposes which include, above all, spiritual tranquility and peace, and cooperation and partnership in fulfilling the divine mandate. Islam – being a natural way of life – takes into account all of genuine human instincts such as physical, spiritual, intellectual, emotional, et cetera.

Although fulfilling one’s physical needs in a decent manner is one of the main purposes of marriage, it is not the sole one. According to the clear statement of the Qur’an, tranquility and peace through a successful union is considered the primary objective of marriage: (Among His signs is that He created for you spouses of your own kind in order that you may repose to them in tranquility and He instilled in your hearts love and affection for one another; verily, in these are signs for those who reflect (on the nature of the reality).)

(Ar-Rum 30: 21).
In another place, Allah refers to the relationship between males and females in terms of partnership for achieving goodness and fulfilling the divine mandate for their lives. (The believers, males and females, are partners of one another; they shall jointly enjoin all that is good and counsel against all that is evil.)

(At-Tawbah 9: 71)
Responding to the question in point, the eminent Muslim scholar, Sheikh Yusuf Al-Qaradawi, states:

 

Just as Islam aims at rearing a righteous individual, being the cornerstone in the social structure of the nation, it also seeks to establish a sound family, the prime and essential factor in building a good society. It is never disputed that marriage – that unites a man and a woman in solemn matrimony – is the foundation that gives rise to the family. There is no way a real or proper family could ever exist out of wedlock, the way that has been legislated by Allah, Exalted be He.
Perverted ideas opposing the institution of marriage:

Throughout the ages, humanity has come to learn of ideas and trends that oppose the idea of marriage. In Persia (now Iran), before the advent of Islam, there emerged Mani’s philosophy, which claimed that the world abounds in evil, that it should be exterminated and that prohibiting marriage is the fastest way to effect this goal.

Under the banner of Christianity appeared extreme monasticism that denounces life, calls to getting incarcerated in monasteries and prohibiting marriage, because woman, they held, is a cause of temptation and a devil incarnate. Venturing near her is in itself a sin that corrupts a soul and alienates one from Heaven.

In modern times, there exist in the West pessimists who totally condemned woman, describing her as a serpent, with a soft touch but deadly venom. They further claim that marriage offers her the golden opportunity to place man under her thumb and shackle him with responsibilities. So why should man, out of his own free will, choose to place those chains around his neck though he was born free?

Unfortunately, some of our contemporary Muslim youth have been fallen prey to those perverted ideas, and thereupon decided to refrain from marriage that entails endless responsibilities, obligations and restrictions. They, on the other hand, wish to live their entire lives as children shouldering no responsibilities. If overcome by desire or the call of their instincts, vicious adultery will certainly quench their thirst in lieu of lawful marriage.

The objectives of marriage in Islam:

a) According to the divine laws and norms, nothing can ever perform its duty single-handedly. Allah meant everything to be in need of another of its kind, so that one would complement the other. In the field of electricity, positive and negative poles need to be in contact so as to induce an electric current, which in turn, yields light, heat, motion, etc. Likewise, electrons and protons should be in contact inside an atom. In plants, pollen grain carrying male gametes fertilize a flower’s stigma to produce more plants, fruits and seeds. Male and female animals have to be in contact in order to reproduce. The Glorious Qur’an highlights this universal law in the following two verses: (And all things We have created by pairs, that haply ye may reflect.) (Adh-Dhariyat 51: 49) (Glory be to Him Who created all the sexual pairs, of that which the earth groweth, and of themselves, and of that which they know not.)

(Ya-Sin 36: 36) In response to this law, Allah, Exalted be He, has legislated a sublime tradition for a man and a woman to be united in such a way as befits the lofty status of human beings, namely through marriage.
Allah, Exalted be He, has inculcated in a man’s heart a longing for a woman, and in a woman’s heart a longing for a man. Each of them is driven by a far more exigent need than hunger or thirst. Each of them senses a definite emptiness in his or her life that can only be filled with their union, according to the divine laws, namely via marriage. Only then does stability replace confusion and reassurance does replace anxiety. Each of them finds in the other serenity, love and mercy that light their lives and enrich their souls. The following is one of Allah’s glaring signs in our universe, which the Glorious Qur’an points to: (Among His signs is that He created for you spouses of your own kind in order that you may repose to them in tranquility and He instilled in your hearts love and affection for one another; verily, in these are signs for those who reflect (on the nature of the reality).)

(Ar-Rum 30: 21)
b) Reproduction is the natural outcome of marriage. It serves to prolong man’s existence, thanks to the pious progeny that succeeds him. This is thus one of Allah’s bounties which He grants man saying, (And Allah hath given you wives of your own kind, and hath given you, from your wives, sons and grandsons, and hath made provision of good things for you. Is it then in vanity that they believe and in the grace of Allah that they disbelieve?)

(An-Nahl 16: 72)
It is also for this reason that Prophet Zakariyyah (Zachariah, peace be upon him) supplicated to Allah saying: (And Zachariah, when he cried unto his Lord: My Lord! Leave me not childless, though Thou art the best of inheritors,) (Al-Anbiya’ 21: 89) and (Lo! I fear my kinsfolk after me, since my wife is barren. Oh, give me from Thy presence a successor. Who shall inherit of me and inherit (also) of the house of Jacob. And make him, my Lord, acceptable (unto Thee).) (Maryam 19: 5-6) Similarly, Ibrahim (Abraham), the father of the Prophets (peace be upon him), prayed to Allah saying: (My Lord! Vouchsafe me of the righteous. So We gave him tidings of a gentle son.) (As-Saffat 37: 100-101) and (Praise be to Allah Who hath given me, in my old age, Ishmael and Isaac! Lo! My Lord is indeed the Nearer of Prayer.) (Ibrahim 14: 29) The Glorious Qur’an describes the servants of Allah, the Most Gracious, as such: (And who say: Our Lord! Vouchsafe us comfort of our wives and of our offspring.)

(Al-Furqan 25: 74)
It is due to reproduction that the nation grows and multiplies, makes use of its potential and manages to combat its enemies. Few would suspect the fact that multitudes and masses of people are to be reckoned with when considering world power. Allah narrates what Prophet Shu`ayb (peace be upon him) told his people saying, (And remember, when ye were but few, how He did multiply you.)

(Al-A`raf 7: 86) Further, Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) says, “Get married (and reproduce) for I will boast of your large numbers in front of other nations (on Judgment Day) and do not lapse into Christians’ monasticism.” (Reported by al-Bayhaqi on the authority of Abu Umamah, and it is mentioned in al-Jami` as-Sahih)
Reproduction serves to preserve the entire human species all around the globe until the point when life comes to an end. Allah, Exalted be He, says, (O mankind! Be careful of your duty to your Lord Who created you from a single soul and from it created its mate and from them twain hath spread abroad a multitude of men and women.) (An-Nisa’ 4: 1) and (O mankind! Lo! We have created you male and female, and have made `you nations and tribes that ye may know one another.)

(Al-Hujurat 49: 13)
c) Marriage consummates one’s faith, spares one looking at other women, enables one to preserve his chastity and offers one a lawful means to satisfy his sexual desire. Adultery is, therefore, no longer an option. That is why the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) spoke of marriage saying, “It spares one looking at what one should not, or lapsing in adultery.” He (peace and blessings be upon him) also said, “If Allah grants a Muslim a righteous wife, this helps him preserve half of his religion (faith). He should, therefore, fear Allah as regards the other half.” (Reported by At-Tabarani and Al-Hakim, and Al-Mundhri states in At-Targhib that it is an authentic hadith with a good chain of narrators)

d) Not only does marriage help a Muslim preserve his faith, it is also the indispensable pillar of worldly happiness which Islam encourages its followers to enjoy so that nothing would distract them from the ultimate goal of uplifting their souls and attaining high degrees of spirituality. Imam Muslim reports that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “The whole world is pleasure, and the best pleasure of the world is the righteous woman.”

The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) is also reported to have said: “Four things bring one joy: a righteous wife, a spacious house, a pious neighbor and a comfortable riding animal.” (Reported by Al-Hakim, Abu-Nu`aym and Al-Bayhaqi)
e) Marriage is the sole means of establishing a family, the nucleus of society. No respectable human society could ever exist, if not based on the family. Shaded by the close relations of motherhood, fatherhood as well as parent-child and siblings relations, warm feelings of love, altruism, mercy, care and cooperation are instilled in a Muslim.

f) Social relations are bolstered with the aid of marriage, whereby scope of family expands including his in-laws and his children’s aunts and uncles. That way feelings of amity, love and social closeness extend to include more and more people. Allah meant relations by marriage to be just as strong as kinship relations. Allah, Exalted be He, says, (And He it is Who hath created man from water, and hath appointed for him kindred by blood and kindred by marriage; for thy Lord is ever Powerful.)

(Al-Furqan: 54)
g) Marriage matures a man’s character through the responsibilities he has to shoulder, as a husband and a father, and similarly matures a woman’s character through the responsibilities she has to shoulder, as a wife and a mother. As we have just explained, many men refrain from marriage simply because they wish to live as grown-up children with no ties to bind them, no house to unite them or responsibilities they are to undertake. Such people are not fit to live; they are good for nothing. Marriage is thus a strong commitment and a shared responsibility between a man and a woman since their first day together.

Allah, Exalted be He, says, (And they (women) have rights similar to those (of men) over them in kindness, and men are a degree above them. Allah is Mighty, Wise.) (Al-Baqarah 2: 228) (Men are in charge of women, because Allah hath men the one of them to excel the other, and because they spend of their property (for the support of women). So good women are the obedient, guarding in secret that which Allah hath guarded.)

(An-Nisa’ 4: 34)
The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Everyone of you is a guardian and responsible for those in his charge; the man, in his home, is a guardian and responsible for his household; the woman, concerning her husband’s property, is a guardian and responsible for what she is entrusted with.” (Agreed upon hadith) The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) also said, “Man would be committing a huge sin if he were to ruin whomever he supports.” (Reported by Ahmad, Abu Dawud, Al-Hakim and Al-Bayhaqi on the authority of Ibn `Umar) The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) further noted, “Allah shall ask every guardian about what he has been entrusted with, whether he preserved or ruined it.” (Reported by An-Nasa’i and Ibn Hibban on the authority of Anas) He (peace and blessings be upon him) also said, “One’s spouse is entitled to certain rights.” (Agreed upon Hadith, reported on the authority of Ibn `Umar)

h) Having got married, a man can focus on perfecting his work, reassured that there is someone back home who disposes of his affairs, preserves his money and takes care of his children. He can thus do his job properly. This stands in sharp contrast to another whose mind is preoccupied and who is torn apart between his work and home, his job and the burden of securing his food and clothes back home.

 

 

 

Related Questions

The Islamic Ruling on Marriage

Is Marriage Obligatory?

 
  

 

Allah Almighty knows best.

Does the Qur’an Disrespect Women?

Question and Answer Details

Name of Questioner

Anonymous   – Afghanistan

 

Title

Does the Qur’an Disrespect Women?

 

Question

The Qur’an says that  a woman is like a field for you, so go to them in every way you like. Does that mean that the woman is an object for the man, and that the woman is only there for the man to have intercourse and fun with? Why is the woman a field for the man? Why does the Qur’an most of the time speak to men and not to women as well?

 

Date

10/Jan/2008

 

Name of Mufti

`Abdel Khaliq Hasan Ash-Shareef

Topic

Misconceptions

Answer

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.


All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.


Dear questioner, thank you for your question.
 
 

 

 

To understand the descriptions mentioned in the Qur’an correctly, one ought to understand the contexts and  topics in which these descriptions are mentioned, and above all understand the language of the Qur’an. As for the specific example you mentioned in your question, the Qur’an described women as a ’tilth’; it did not refer to them as an object. Rather, they were described as such in the context of stating what is permissible and impermissible between a husband and his wife during intercourse. Second, when the Qur’an uses ‘masculine address’ it does not exclude women nor does it degrade them in any way, as one of the original usages of  ‘masculine address’ in the Arabic language is to address a general mass that includes both men and women.
 

 

In response to your question, Sheikh `Abdel Khaliq Hassan Ash-Shareef, an Egypt-based renowned scholar and da`iyah, says,

 


This is not the only way  Allah the Almighty described women in the Glorious Qur’an. Describing them in a certain way does not mean this is the only way they are described. Allah the Almighty says in the Qur’an:

 

[They are your garments and ye are their garments.] (Al-Baqarah 2: 187)
[How can ye take it (back) after one of you hath gone in unto the other, and they have taken a strong pledge from you?](An-Nisaa’  4: 21)
[And of His signs is this: He created for you helpmeets from yourselves that ye might find rest in them, and He ordained between you love and mercy. Lo! Herein indeed are portents for folk who reflect.] (Ar-Rum 30: 21)

As you can see, this  is not the only description of women in the Qur’an.
In addition, you have to understand the context in which they were described as a ’tilth’. Allah the Almighty says,[Your women are a tilth for you (to cultivate) so go to your tilth as ye will, and send (good deeds) before you for your souls, and fear Allah, and know that ye will (one day) meet Him. Give glad tidings to believers, (O Muhammad).] (

Al-Baqarah 2: 223)
To understand the context of this verse, you should  read the verse before it which states,[They question thee (O Muhammad) concerning menstruation. Say: It is an illness, so let women alone at such times and go not in unto them till they are cleansed. And when they have purified themselves, then go in unto them as Allah hath enjoined upon you. Truly Allah loveth those who turn unto Him, and loveth those who have a care for cleanness.] (

Al-Baqarah 2: 222)
Allah the Almighty described women as such in the context of talking about menstruation, stating what is permissible and what is not during intercourse between a husband and his wife. Therefore, you should not take this out of  context to draw such a generalization.
With regard to your question about why the Qur’an talks to men and not to women, it is said in the Glorious Qur’an,[And the believers, men and women, are protecting allies one of another; they enjoin the right and forbid the wrong, and they establish worship and they pay the poor-due, and they obey Allah and His messenger. As for these, Allah will have mercy on them. Lo! Allah is Mighty, Wise.] (

At-Tawbah 9: 71) Women are not excluded in any way whatsoever.
Moreover, one of the original usages of ‘masculine address’ in the Arabic language is to address a general group that includes both men and women.  Therefore,  one ought to understand the language of the Qur’an first before drawing any conclusions.
 

 

 

Related Questions

Are Women Equal to Men in Reward and Punishment?

The Status of Woman in Islam

Can Muslims Celebrate Christmas?

Are Women Inferior to Men?

Are Women Intellectually and Spiritually Inferior?

Was Eve Behind Adam’s Expulsion from Paradise?

The Reward of Women in Paradise

 
   

 

Allah Almighty knows best.

Source: http://www.islamonline.net/

Marriage Is the Prophet’s Sunnah

Question:   Salam. I have a question: To my knowledge the Sunnah is what the Prophet did and advised but it is not compulsory, yet I hear that you have to get married as it is sunnah, but surely if it is sunnah then you have a choice and I don’t know whether this is right or wrong. Someone said that the great Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said that if you don’t get married then you are not one of us. Please explain which is correct..

Jazakum Allahu khayran.

 

 

Answer:   Salam, Thank you for your question and for trusting our page with finding a convincing answer for you.

 

There are three correct concepts in your message, so let’s start by pointing them out:

 

1. It is correct that the Sunnah is what Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said, did, or recommended for Muslims worldwide to do from his time until the end of time.

2. As you mentioned, doing a sunnah act is not compulsory, and one does not reap sins for leaving out regular practice of Sunnah; and, yes, you have a choice regarding what you choose to do. Yet there is a huge reward (thawab) to be gained from following in the footsteps of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) as mentioned in numerous ayahs (verses of Qur’an), for example ones that mean:

*{And obey Allah and the Messenger, that you may be shown mercy.}* (Aal `Imran 3:132)

*{And whoever obeys Allah and the Messenger, these are with those upon whom Allah has bestowed favors from among the prophets and the truthful and the martyrs and the good, and a goodly company are they!}* (An-Nisaa’ 4:69)

3. Marriage is indeed of the Sunnah of Prophet Muhammad and all the other Prophets (peace and blessings be upon them all) as mentioned in the Prophetic tradition that your friend referred to: Some of the Companions of Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) asked his wives about the acts that he performed in private. Someone among them (his Companions) said: I will not marry women; and another said: I will not eat meat; and someone among them said: I will not lie down in bed. He (the Prophet) praised Allah and glorified Him, and asked: What has happened to these people that they say such-and-such, whereas I observe the Prayer and sleep too; I observe fast and abstain (from fasting); I also marry women. And he who turns away from my Sunnah, he has no relation with me (Muslim).

In his explanation of the meaning of “And he who turns away from my Sunnah, he has no relation with me,” An-Nawawi says: If the disobedience were due to a misinterpretation, the meaning of “not of my follower” would suggest “one who did not follow my way.” However, if someone disobeyed out of objection thinking that his way is better than the Prophet’s, the meaning of “not of my follower” would mean he is no longer one of us because behaving this way equates to kufr (disbelief).

This, then, implies that if someone does not marry because he has not yet found a suitable mate, or he does not have the means, or has some defect that prevents him from marrying, or even because he personally does not have any strong desire to marry, then he would not fall into the category of one who is not of the Muslims. One who thinks that celibacy is better than marriage would fall into this category.

Now, having pointed out the facts in your question, let’s explain the duties of a Muslim to obey Allah’s rules in the universe so as to obtain His mercy. First of all, let’s ask ourselves two important questions:

1. Why were we created?
The answer to this question is very clearly stated in the Qur’an in numerous ayahs, for example one that means:

*{ And I have not created the jinn and the men except that they should serve Me.}* (Adh-Dhariyat 51:56)

From this we learn that our entire life should be dedicated to pleasing Allah, Who created us solely for this purpose. One of our duties towards our Creator is to bring to existence good Muslims (through Allah’s power, of course). In Islam, the only way to do so is by getting married. Islam is an advocate of marriage and the formation of stable families. Other forms of sexual liaisons between individuals are prohibited in Islam.

2. Why did Allah send Prophet Muhammad?
The answer to this question will tell us why one gains a lot from following the Sunnah of Prophet Muhammad, and the answer to it is also in the verses of the Qur’an that mean:

*{Certainly you have in the Messenger of Allah an excellent exemplar for him who hopes in Allah and the latter day and remembers Allah much.}* (Al-Ahzab 33:21)

*{Your companion does not err, nor does he go astray; nor does he speak out of desire. It is naught but revelation that is revealed, the Lord of Mighty Power has taught him.}* (An-Najm 53:2-5)

From these verses we learn that Prophet Muhammad was sent as a live example and role model for Muslims to follow until the end of time. A good Muslim—after reading this praise in the Qur’an and after learning the life story of Prophet Muhammad—will certainly want to model his behavior according to this “most praiseworthy” man (which is the meaning of the name Muhammad). Prophet Muhammad got married, recommended marriage, prohibited celibacy, and provided Muslims with a complete day-to-day “manual” on the marital life under all possible circumstances through his own marriages.

Prophet Muhammad recommended marriage for Muslims for several reasons.

The Importance of Marriage in Islam

1. Marriage in Islam has aspects of both `ibadah (worship) of Allah and mu`amalah (transactions between human beings).

In its `ibadah aspect, marriage is an act pleasing to Allah because it is in accordance with His commandments that husband and wife love each other and help each other to rear their children to become true servants of Allah.

In its mu`amalah aspect, marriage is a lawful response to the basic instincts of intimacy. The Shari`ah (Islamic law) has prescribed detailed rules for translating this into a system of rights and duties. You will notice that many surahs of the Qur’an discuss the rules of marriage, family relations, and domestic etiquette. This certainly brings our attention to the importance of forming a family.

The Prophet considered marriage for a Muslim as half of his religion because it shields him from promiscuity, adultery, fornication, homosexuality, etc., which ultimately lead to many other evils like slander, quarreling, homicide, loss of property, and disintegration of the family.

2. Allah created men and women as company for one another so they can procreate and live in peace and tranquility according to the commandments of Allah and the directions of His Messenger. Sexual desires were created by Allah for these specific reasons, and Muslims are instructed on how to channel these desires to live a happy, settled life. In a verse of the Qur’an Allah says what means:

*{And one of His signs is that He created mates for you from yourselves that you may find rest in them, and He put between you love and compassion; most surely there are signs in this for a people who reflect.}* (Ar-Rum 30:21)

In contrast to other religions which consider celibacy or monasticism as a great virtue and a means of salvation, Islam considers marriage as one of the most virtuous and approved institutions.

3. Marriage protects the chastity of Muslims, and protects society from the dangerous social and physical diseases we see around us now in societies that refrain from marriage under false pretences of “freedom” when in actuality it’s only slavery to Satan’s wishes. Islam recognizes the emotional and physical needs in humans, which if not fulfilled—or if fulfilled haphazardly—will result in chaos. The Prophet instructed: “O you young men! Whoever is able to marry should marry, for that will help him to lower his gaze and guard his modesty” (Al-Bukhari). Modesty was regarded as a great virtue by the Prophet.

4. According to modern sciences, marriage has a lot of gains for the individual and for society. For example, modern psychology proves that married individuals are a lot more productive and less prone to serious illness and chronic stress, and children raised in stable homes are much more successful and useful to themselves and to society.

5. According to Islamic history, a special mother or wife is always the key factor behind the success of exceptional people. We have, for example, the mothers of Imam Malik and Imam Al-Bukhari; Asma’ bint Abi Bakr, mother of `Abdullah ibn Az-Zubair; and Fatimah the Prophet’s daughter, wife of `Ali ibn Abi Talib.

Is Marriage Compulsory in Islam?

A Muslim always has a choice; he is never forced to do things as long as he knows the consequences of his choice and is fully responsible for the outcome of his actions. Applying this basic concept to marriage, the favored option by Allah is to find a good, pious mate and get married.

Muslims who want to please Allah must not choose celibacy for no reason while they are capable of getting married. And Muslims who are unable to get married for acceptable reasons are still expected to refrain from premarital sex until Allah wills it for them to afford marriage.

Marriage is compulsory for a man if he has the means to easily pay the dower and to support a wife and children; he is healthy; and he fears that if does not marry he may be tempted to commit fornication.

Marriage is also compulsory for a woman if she has no other means of maintaining herself and she fears that her sexual urge may push her into fornication.

But even for a person who has a strong will to control his/her sexual desire, who has no wish to have children, and who feels that marriage will keep him/her away from his/her devotion to Allah, marriage is commendable.

The general opinion is that if a person, male or female, fears that if he/she does not marry he/she will commit fornication, then marriage becomes wajib (obligatory). If a person has strong sexual urges, then it becomes wajib for that person to marry. Marriage should not be put off or delayed, especially if one has the means.

Marriage is not recommended for a man who does not possess the means to maintain a wife and future family, who has no sex drive, or who dislikes children.

The Qur’an and the Sunnah clearly show that marriage is a mithaq—a solemn covenant (agreement). It is not a matter that can be taken lightly. One should follow the Islamic rules for selecting a mate for life, and should be mature enough to understand the demands of marriage so that the union can be a lasting one.

Hopefully this gives you a better understanding of the institution of marriage in Islam. May Allah guide you and all Muslims to good loving mates.