Can We Want to Marry?

Question and Answer Details

Name of Questioner Shereen   Title Can We Want to Marry?   Date 08/Jun/2006   Question Is it right for girls to wish that they want to get engaged even though the parents are not planning to get her engaged any time soon? What if it is just a wish and there is not any guy whom she loves?       Topic Marriage   Name of Counselor Sahar El-Nadi

Answer

Salam, Sister Shereen.   Thank you for trusting our page with your dreams. We wish you and all Muslims joyful lives in stable homes.   Your question implies that you’re probably a teenager, so I’m proud of you for your maturity, choosing to consult before getting involved in a relationship. May Allah always guide you to what pleases Him.   Romantic daydreaming is part of a stage in everyone’s life, where emotions take us on sentimental journeys to imaginary worlds with invented people. However, as good Muslims, we shouldn’t let daydreaming waste our lives! So what should we do? Stop dreaming or do something useful with our dreams?   There is nothing wrong with wishing to find a mate as Allah decreed for humans. Your feelings are quite natural and they’re recognized by Islam. Love as a pure emotion for the right person under proper guidelines is actually encouraged in Islam. What’s forbidden is abusing love to fulfill desires without legal commitment.   I must ask you here: do you want to get engaged to be married and bear the heavy responsibility of a Muslim home, or just to have a man in your life to “have fun with” as seen in movies and musical videos? Please be careful, because while pop culture pressures us to look for “sexy” people who can turn heads, Islam teaches us to look for righteous people who can turn souls!   We must not let our rush —to be in love— drag us into dangerous situations with the wrong people. You need, first, to know the Islamic guidance on how to choose a good Muslim husband and how to be a good Muslim future-wife to be chosen by one.   All parents dream of seeing their daughters married, and I’m sure your parents want what’s best for you, so they probably have good reasons for postponing that. They probably see you are still unprepared, due to your young age or your need to reach a certain level of education first.   In any relationship, we have to fulfill certain responsibilities first in order to earn our rights. So, while you are dreaming of your right to be engaged, it’s wise to explore the responsibilities attached and check if you’re prepared to handle them yet.   A Muslim has a responsibility to invest every moment of precious life in doing something useful. So, try turning your wishes into energy to make you a better Muslim, who is ready for taking charge of a home. Here are some suggestions:   1- It is a psychological fact that we grow into the images we make for ourselves. So try to imagine a detailed vision of yourself as a good and correct Muslim wife and mother, and ask yourself: how am I going to be that woman? How do I make that dream come true?   2- Do you have a role model? Someone you look up to and want to grow like? Is that person worthy of your admiration and pleases Allah. Or do you have the wrong example on a poster above your bed? Do you read and listen to lectures about women who made a difference for our Ummah (Muslim nation)? If not, my advice is that you search to know them and study their personal biographies and extract lessons for yourself to live by and to follow until the right man comes along.   3- You need to make an effort to prepare yourself for handling the pressures of our modern world too, so consider in parallel with learning your religion, to focus on your role in life. Why has Allah created you and what is your mission in this world? What is your goal for the next life and how are you going to get there? Keep an eye on the news of the world in all aspects of life; learn computer and Internet skills and languages. Search how to lead a healthy life and how to be physically fit. You will need to be fit to manage a successful life. Read about good housekeeping, home budgeting, successful relationships, effective communication, child upbringing, decoration, crafts and healthy cooking. Attend classes in those and other topics to improve your skills.   Once you are fully prepared for your responsibilities and you have chosen the right Muslim man to be the focus of your dreams, make sure to adjust your niyyah (intention). Raising a good Muslim family with your dream-man should be with the intention of pleasing God Almighty and Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him).   Your question indicates that you are a good person Shereen, so I don’t need to remind you to listen to your parents. Please don’t do anything behind their back. Get them involved in your matters and ask for their guidance as soon as you meet someone you like. If you want Allah to bless your future life, make sure that your path to Him passes through the hearts of your parents.   Also, bare in mind that this man —when you find him— is not a mahram to you (not legal husband, brother or father, etc.) until he is legally your husband, so your behavior with him should reflect the Islamic teachings you respect. Don’t let emotions lead you into what may displease Allah. If Allah has destined him for you, then there will be plenty of time, after you become officially husband and wife, to express your feelings for each other. However, if he is not meant for you, then why commit something you will regret later?   Until that time comes —and I pray that Allah may send him soon to you— would you consider sharing the pure love in your heart with those who really need it? Think of joining a charity to take care of orphan kids or weak animals and lavish your love on them. Besides giving you an outlet for your feelings, it will also hopefully gain you enough rearward to grant you Allah’s approval and pleasure. He is the Only One Who can give you what you want, so never stop making du`a’ and good deeds.   We will pray for you too, and may Allah guide all Muslims to suitable mates and support them in raising good Muslim families, amen.   I hope this answers your question. If you have any other questions, please do not hesitate to send us again. Thank you and please keep in touch.   Salam.   Useful Links:   Purity of Man-Woman Relationship   To Love or to Know, What Comes First?   Distinguishing Culture from Religion Concerning Marriage   Parents Opinion in Marriage   Asking God for the Right Mate   The Philosophy of Marriage in Islam   My Parents Refuse the Person I Love: What to Do?   Du`a’ to Hasten Marriage   Foundation of Successful Marriage   1,2,3’s of Marital Life   Love in Islam

Heaven and Hell: Permanent or Temporary?

Question and Answer Details

Name of Questioner Nadia   – Australia   Title Heaven and Hell: Permanent or Temporary?   Date 24/Jul/2007   Question   As-salaamu alaikum. I need to ask you about this theory: We Muslims will definitely go to Heaven, although many of us will have to be “cleansed” in Hell first before entering Heaven. Interestingly, a good Christian friend of mine has exactly the same idea (only with the word “Muslims” substituted with “Christians,” of course). From that concept, it is saying that Hell can be temporary (i.e. Some people enter it just to get rid of their sins, but they do not stay there forever and they will get out at some point). However, as far as I know, the Qur’an always portrays Heaven and Hell as permanent destinations (e.g. An-Nisaa’ 4:14; Al-Baqarah 2:80). So, my question is: Where does this idea of temporary Hell come from? Is it from the Qur’an, Hadith, or neither? Salaam.     Topic Islamic Creed   Name of Counselor Idris Tawfiq

Answer

Salam, Nadia. Thank you for this interesting question. In answering it, we should mention Christian teaching first, since this is relevant to what you ask, and then move on to Muslim belief. It could be that because of talking to your Christian friends, you have got things a bit mixed up with what they believe. Purgatory in Roman Catholic Teachings It is a standard Roman Catholic teaching that before a person goes to Heaven, he or she must be purified in Purgatory. According to this teaching, Purgatory is a separate place than Heaven. Even though Roman Catholics believe that their sins can be forgiven in this life by a priest when they go to Confession, the effects of their sins still remain, which cannot be erased by anyone. Purgatory, then, is a place where people make up for all the wrong they have done in this life, since no one can enter Heaven in anything less than a pure state. Purgatory is the kind of “temporary Hell,” you talk about. You are right when you mention Christian teaching regarding who will go to Heaven. Basing their teaching on Saint John’s Gospel, Christians have always taught that “unless a man be born again by water and the Spirit (i.e. Baptism), he cannot enter the kingdom of heaven.” In other words, for centuries the Church taught that only the baptized could enter Heaven. The supposed death and resurrection of Jesus, according to Christian tradition, makes it possible for people to enter Heaven. This doctrine was reevaluated in the last century to suggest that some of the un-baptized could go to Heaven, but only because of the action of Jesus on the Cross.   These “anonymous” Christians, although not baptized, might enter Heaven because of their good lives and because Jesus has chosen to redeem them. Islam or Buddhism or Judaism, then, according to this doctrine, cannot save a man, but some Muslims or Buddhists or Jews might be saved because Jesus chooses to save them because of their good lives. Heaven and Hell in Islam I hope that this hasn’t confused you! Turning now directly to your question, Muslims are quite clear that Heaven and Hell have existed even before the creation of the world. They are both permanent places. A translation of what we read in the Qur’an tells us this: *{“Surely, We [Allah] have prepared for the evildoers a fire, whose pavilion encompasses them. If they call for help, they will be helped with water like molten copper that will scald their faces. How dreadful a drink and how evil a resting place.}* (Al-Kahf 18: 29) In another part of the Qur’an, we read: *{Certainly, Allah has cursed the unbelievers and prepared for them a blazing fire to dwell therein forever, they shall find neither protector nor helper. On the day when their faces are turned about in the fire, they shall say, “Would that we had obeyed Allah and obeyed the Messenger!”}* (Al-Ahzab 33: 64-66) There are other descriptions of Hell that are graphically horrific. Muslims believe that some people will be sent to Hell for all eternity, because we are told so in either the Qur’an or in the sayings of the Prophet (peace be upon him). They will never leave. Some of these people are actually mentioned by name. According to authorities in Hadith like Al-Bukhari and Muslim, such people include Abu Lahab, `Amr ibn Luhai Al-Khuza`i, and others. Those who aren’t identified by name are identified by description: every unbeliever, polytheist, or hypocrite (those who pretend they are Muslims but are not.) All Muslims in Heaven? As for your assertion that all Muslims will go to Heaven, we must, of course, add the words, in sha’ Allah. We can never presume Allah’s actions towards us. Only He knows the true intentions of our hearts. Given this proviso, however, we do believe that Muslims will go to Heaven, even though they may have committed terrible crimes while they were alive. Muslim belief about this is as follows: When a person dies, he or she will be laid in the grave. The Prophet told us that in the grave, all people will be questioned in the grave about their belief. They will sit up and answer the angels’ questions. The believers will answer, “Allah is my Lord, Islam is my religion, and Muhammad is my prophet.” The unbelievers will say, “I do not know. I heard the people saying something and I said it.” Once again, Prophet Muhammad is recorded to have said many things about this. Those Muslims who led good lives, obedient to the will of Allah, will rest in comfort in the grave, awaiting the Day of Judgment. Those Muslims who led bad lives, or who were Muslim in name only, will be punished severely in the grave. In the Qur’an, we read: *{If you could only see when the evildoers are in the agonies of death and the angels are stretching out their hands, saying, “Give up your souls! Today you shall be rewarded with the punishment of humiliation for what you used to say untrue about Allah, and for scornfully rejecting His signs.”}* (Al-An`am 6 :93) On the Day of Judgment, all people will be raised from their graves and their lives will be placed before them. They will have to give an account of how they lived. Good deeds will be weighed against bad deeds. Once people’s deeds have been weighed up and the remaining balance is in their favor, they will then have to give justice to those they offended in this life. If they offended someone, some of their remaining good deeds will be transferred to the offended. If, after all this, their good deeds weigh as much as even just an atom, they will, in sha’ Allah, enter Paradise. If, on the other hand, their good deeds have been exhausted in making up for wrongs they did to others, the offended will transfer some of their bad deeds, so that they go to Hell and suffer not only for their own bad deeds but also for the bad deeds of those they offended. Allah knows what is best. As Muslims we believe that some Muslims will enter Hell and will remain there being punished until such time as Allah allows them to be released. Not Temporary, But Relief Is Possible This is not a temporary Hell. Hell is a fixed, permanent place, but Allah may allow some Muslims to be released from it because of His mercy. We believe that the Prophet will be allowed by Allah to intercede on behalf of some believers who are in Hell, and by Allah’s will they will be taken out of Hell. Allah will also take out of the Hell some believers, not because someone has interceded on their behalf, but simply because He chooses to. Your simple question, then, required quite a complicated answer! In summary, as Muslims we believe some wicked Muslims will be sent to Hell for a limited time but ultimately will be granted Paradise because of the mercy of Allah. I hope that this answers your question. Please keep in touch. Salam. Useful Links: Who Will Go to Heaven? Is There Hell for Muslims? Destiny of People of the Book Are We Judged for What’s Already Destined? The Justice of Divine Judgment Atheists and Heaven The Road to Heaven Defining Heaven The Way to Heaven? Original Sin or … Innocence? “This Life and the Next” Is Paradise Just Spiritual Pleasure? The Description of Paradise Questions About Paradise

Do Good and Evil Come from Allah?

Question and Answer Details

Name of Questioner Salma   Title Do Good and Evil Come from Allah?   Date 18/Nov/2007   Question Hello. First I wish to thank you for this user-friendly and informative site. I wish to ask about a point which has been bothering me recently and I hope that one of the counselors will be able to answer me in sha’ Allah.   In surat An-Nisaa’ (Women), there is a verse that states that everything is from Allah, but the next verse states that when bad things happen, they are from us humans, but everything good is from Allah. I can see the logic behind this and that there is no contradiction, but I just wish somebody knowledgeable will explain these verses further.       Topic Islamic Creed, WorldView   Name of Counselor Shahul Hameed

Answer

Salam, Salma.   Thank you very much for your question and the good words you have spoken about the site. The question of destiny and freewill has been nagging humans all through the centuries; and each religion has attempted to answer the question in its own way. Master or Puppet? The noble Qur’an enunciates the view that man is not completely a master of his fate; nor is he a puppet in the hands of blind destiny. It is a fact that Allah’s sovereignty is all pervading and nothing falls outside its purview; which is to say that Allah knows everything and things happen according to His Will. The whole of creation i.e. all the things and beings in the universe are subject to the overriding power of Allah, and we humans can do nothing without Allah willing it to be so.  Allah says in the noble Qur’an what gives the meaning of:   *{He created everything for its destiny (or its measure) }* (Al-Furqan 25: 2) *{We created everything according to a measure or destiny.}* (Al-Qamar 54:9) In both the above verses “destiny” implies the latent capabilities of things. But this is not to say that Allah created a universe finished and complete, bound to the iron rules of nature. On the contrary, it means only that the creation of this universe was in accordance with the grand design of the Creator. Well-Designed and Well-Planned There is no element of chance in the creation of this universe. Everything is well-designed and well-planned. And Allah has a foreknowledge of everything that He created. But this does not imply that human beings have been completely deprived of the freedom of action. The foreknowledge of Allah is different from predestination. Otherwise, man will not have any freedom of will or action; and what is more, Allah Himself is then made to be inactive, as things happen according to what people call predestination. But the glorious Qur’an clearly says that Allah is constantly active in creation. Allah Almighty says what means: *{Allah. There is no god but He, the Living, the Self-subsisting, Supporter of all. No slumber can seize Him nor sleep. His are all things in the heavens and on earth. Who is there can intercede in His presence except as He permits? He knows what (appears to His creatures as) before or after or behind them. Nor shall they compass aught of His knowledge except as He wills. His Throne does extend over the heavens and the earth, and He feels no fatigue in guarding and preserving them. For He is the Most High, the Supreme (in glory).}* (Al-Baqarah 2: 255) We may understand Allah’s knowledge to be a living creative activity, which includes His fore-knowledge of events to come. The future may be conceived as an open possibility that pre-exists to be realized. This means that destiny as conceived by Islam does not negate our freedom of choice and action. A Limited Freedom Out of a set of inherent possibilities, we can make a free choice of those actions that are in harmony with Allah’s Will; if so, we earn our reward from Allah. Thus from the point of view of Islam, humanity is free (in a limited sense) for all practical purposes, and has no excuse for making the wrong choice in the name of fate. The Qur’anic view of humans is that they have a natural inclination to all that is good; but as we are given freedom of choice, we may choose evil against our natural tendency towards good. About divine guidance, Allah says what can be translated as: *{It is the truth from your Lord; wherefore let him who will, believe, and let him who will, disbelieve.}* (Al-Kahf 18: 29) Again we read:   *{Indeed Allah does not wrong the people at all, it is they wrong their own selves.}* (Yunus 10: 44) And:   *{There is no compulsion in religion. Surely the right way has become distinct from error. }* (Al-Baqarah 2: 256) The particular Qur’anic verses you have referred to in your question should be studied against the foregoing background.   *{….. If some good befalls them, they say, “This is from Allah.; but if evil, they say, “This is from thee” (O Prophet). Say: “All things are from Allah.” But what hath come to these people, that they fail to understand a single fact? Whatever good happens to thee is from God; and whatever evil befalls thee is from thyself…}* (An-Nisaa’ 4:78-79)   Good and Bad: From Allah’s Will   First, it is mentioned that all things are from Allah; and then it is stated that good happenings come from Allah and evil happenings come from humans.   If we look for the correct interpretation of the verses above, we can see that there is no contradiction there. In fact, Allah Almighty is the ultimate source of all that is happening.   Consequently, all good that comes to man and all evil that befalls him flow originally from Allah’s will: that is, everything is from Allah. And when man uses his freewill and makes a wrong choice out of several available options, evil follows. And we should remember that evil is the absence of good; or its opposite that follows a wrong choice by man. Thus it is true that evil happenings come from man.   It is also possible that what appears to be evil may very well turn out to be good in the end. In such cases evil is no more than a means of spiritual growth for man, and need not necessarily be “evil” in reality. And remember that:   *{Allah does not wrong anyone by as much as at atom’s weight.}* (An-Nisaa’ 4:40) We can also view the whole matter from a different angle as well. Everything is from Allah; and so we are from Allah. Evil is from us ourselves; but since we are from Allah, the evil that comes from us can also be attributed to the original source of all, namely Allah Almighty. So there is absolutely no contradiction in the verses you referred to.   The Qur’anic concept of destiny includes the ideas of measurement, proportion, guidance and the completion of the creative process. We may say that it is the Law of Allah operating in the whole of His creation, including man.   In the case of humanity, the Divine Law includes the idea of freewill too. Allah has created everything with a purpose, a purpose that is attained by the completion of the process of creation.   In this scheme, humanity alone has a unique status as people can exercise freewill, where “evil” has a significant role along with good. I hope this answers your question. Please keep in touch.     Salam.   Useful Links:   Islam Between Surrender and Free Will   Why Do We Have Free Will?   Freedom of Religion   Are We Entirely Free?   Fate and Free Will   Predestination of One’s Deeds?   Are We Judged for What’s Already Destined?   Are We Predestined?   Hindu Karma and Destiny   Qadar: A Measured Destiny   Divine and Human Will    Reflections on the Existence of Evil